I woke at 5am Christmas morning to Sam pacing and panting, he wouldn’t settle, he couldn’t settle. I took him outside and he had major G.I. issues and was really sick.

72 hrs earlier

I dreamed that I was at a house party on the water at my sisters. It started to rain and I needed to get to the airport to catch a flight. As I was on my way I realized I had forgotten my luggage. I turned back, gathered my many bags and was off again. This time, my bags were so heavy and burdensome, I looked at my watch and realized that I was not going to make it if “I took all my baggage with me” and I had to decide.

As I dumped my luggage and ran I woke myself from my dream, knowing it was a powerful metaphoric lucid dream, a test for me, would I hang on to my stuff or would I trust and let it all go. I must admit, I struggled for a while, trying to bring all of it with me. So much so that I woke rather pissed off at the choice and covered in bruises on my knees from where my suitcases kept banging into them! (Yeah, I’m so graceful in my spirituality, completely comfortable and coquettish really…)

12 hours earlier

The Gour’s were out on a lovely walk in nature, and happened upon a big owl hooting the most hauntingly beautiful sounds while fog rolled across the mountains due to unusually mild weather. It was 60 degrees on Christmas Eve and it was magical.

That night we ate Spaghetti and Meatballs, my mom’s famous recipe that has become tradition in our house and we watched old movies.

As we tucked into bed and dozed off to sleep I heard coyote’s in the woods begin to howl at the Christmas full moon.

I lay there awake pondering our visitors, Owl, wisdom, Coyote, cunning intelligence and trickery…I sensed more was afoot.

At 5am Sam was visibly upset. His panting and pacing told me fever and anxiety, I knew more than a GI remedy was necessary. We dressed, I made a fast tea and shoved a banana in my pocket as we collared the dogs and popped them both into my Jeep. Posey is Sam’s sister and she helps him relax when he’s uneasy, they are extremely close to each other and comfort one another like no other can.

We drove to the Emergency Vet Hospital, the very same place where we were two months ago for Sam’s toenail injury.

It was barely 7:30am and the waiting room was crowded.

We met some new friends, Sadie and her parents. Sadie looked like she’d had a botox treatment gone horribly wrong. We learned later it was likely an infected tooth that caused her facial swelling on one side. The whole time Sadie wagged and wiggled and made friends with Posey. (That’s the magic of dogs, when we’d be absolute horrible human beings in pain and scared and lashing out, dogs wag and wiggle and smile and never stop loving everyone and everything, always working in their service to us. Just who exactly is the advanced species? Indeed…)

We waited hours as emergencies came and went, a kitty with respiratory issues, a newly rescued dog from a Southern puppy mill, and Sadie, our new Labrador lady friend.

They continued to thank us for being patient, we were fine with it in fact it was a bit comforting that we were considered “less critical.” After all, it was just 8 short weeks ago that WE were the critical injury that came in on a “triage to reception stat!” call. We were simply grateful that they were open and fully staffed on Christmas Day.

When our turn came, they escorted us to room number one to the left. As we waited on the Dr. I thought to myself, “well, last time we were in room two, the room where Griffen was euthanized and a full circle moment occurred for me”, so things must be settling down now (ridiculously naïve, I know, keep reading…)

As the Doctor entered the room with a smile, she introduced herself (you know the kind of introduction you barely hear when you’re worried about one of your babies. You don’t mean to be disrespectful, you know it will be on the paperwork, but you really can’t focus on anything but what might be wrong with your baby.) “Hi, I’m Dr. shmmoorwaaan” (or something like that)

We spoke about Sam, she examined him, and I knew I knew her. I assumed it was from our last visit two months ago, maybe I saw her working or in the hall, but she said no, that she would have remembered Sam and Posey. Hmmm I thought….

Then Griffen nudged me and flashed an image to me of her on her knees across from us in tears and then I knew her. She was Dr. Shumway, the very compassionate and kind Vet who euthanized my little Boo-dah that fateful day October 3, 2013. She cried with us as we sent him out of his little fur body and told him to pick out a couple of good seats at Home for us.

So much for room one being safely outside the spiritual growth and healing boundary….the story of my life these days.

Greg’s cell phone beeped with the sound of a new text. It was our nextdoor neighbor asking if our power was out as theirs was. Double hmm…a perfect reset point indicator.

Did you know that in moments like this not only do we heal but we also release the deep cellular grief we’ve been quietly hiding and protecting like a cherished battle scar? I didn’t…not until I experienced it with Sam two months ago when we sat in room number two at the Veterinary Emergency Services Hospital in Deerfield Massachusetts.

You see after Sam healed, I took a trip to Salem. It’s my go to place when things are intense for me. I go to be reminded of the magic and if you remember I wrote about going there after Griffen’s transition and being led to my Griffen pendant, an intense reminder of the magic that death truly does not exist, only form shifting and re-emergence to oneness consciousness.

That night after driving home, I was really, really sick. I hadn’t eaten anything in Salem, I brought my own juices for the trip as I was really nourishing my body after Sam’s 5 week healing journey that had taken a lot of my energy (but given me so much contemplation time.)

It was only when a cherished friend and supremely gifted channel made sense of it for me. She and “The Masters” told me that night was a major release of deep grief that my body and my consciousness were ready to let go of. Sam’s emergency room visit and my recognition that we were in room two, brought October 3, 2013 screaming into my present moment but it also healed me. It was my catalyst for healing. (Sam, seriously, maybe you could just tell me these things in the future?)

That’s when I felt the internal shift of cellular consciousness…

I’ve written that to you before, that your cells are listening, this is what that means, just as we feed them all the self love and healthy food nourishment and positive outlook thinking we can, so too do they need to release what no longer is necessary, from past trauma, hurt, pain and shame, in order to be filled up again.

We are Spiritual Beings and our physical bodies are extensions of this.

What we fill our cells up with is completely up to us and our awareness of this is key.

I don’t know about you, but nothing seems to mean nothing these days.

These are powerful shifting times we are in right now, of course in the macrocosm with the world governments highly charged up, but also in the microcosm, our personal worlds, during the energetic transition out of one year and into another. It is a time for deep reflection, for contemplation, for vulnerability, authenticity and awareness. It is a time of cellular release of past trauma that no longer serves us and a time to fill up with visions of newly planted dream seeds to grow in 2016.

This was the reason that birthed the idea of giving my first live webinar, “Expand Your Light” that we will be doing tomorrow, December 28, 2015 at 7:00pm Eastern. I do hope to see you there (come on, be brave, if I have to so do you. That’s always been my “drag you along on your spiritual journey with me” motto. 1-you wouldn’t resonate with my work and be reading this if you weren’t ready, and 2- I like to keep company and share a few stories and snacks along the way.)

So, Lady (or man) up, get your Courage on and let’s investigate, release and fill up together and send it powerfully into the collective for expansive growth and positive change.

If you’re interested (and a little scared and excited at the potential for great change and growth in your life) you can register for free here

And don’t worry things always work out perfectly no matter what road is chosen for travel. As we sat in that E.R. waiting room, a lady entered with two Dachshunds, one a female puppy she was fostering, the other, her own, needing some E.R. care for a major allergic reaction.

As we all sat together she asked for a poll, the foster puppy did not have a name yet. She was cute, small with a soft brown coat and soft brown eyes. She looked at me and whispered “Cocoa, tell her Cocoa.” So, I offered up Cocoa, one of the desk nurses said “oh don’t call her Cocoa, that’s too obvious, she’s brown, it’s too ordinary, call her “Noel” to which the room awwwed, and I have to admit, I loved Noel too. I looked over at Cocoa who quietly showed me a little girl she was going to live with that they didn’t know about yet and she said, “it’s alright, that little girl will intuit my name no matter what they call me, she’ll call me Cocoa. I chose this brown coat and eyes to make it really obvious.”  Sigh…..

So you see, nothing ever means nothing anymore, and it always works out in the end. How we travel the journey together is the juicy part, the roller coaster rides, the scary, the crazy, the sad and heartbreaking, the deep searching and reflecting and the expanding and understanding.

I’m beginning to really understand and embody that we are all Masters, for only Masters would do this over and over in the service of the Expansion of the Oneness that is Us and agree to forget our Sovereignty enough to make agreements with everyone around us to reflect our Light and Mastery back to us, to use illness as a healing opportunity and to use Love as a doorway to consciousness.

As I was visited by three spirits between the hours of Christmas Eve afternoon to Christmas Mid-day, the Owl alerting me that deep wisdom was upon us, the Coyote warning that it was hidden with magic trickery and Griffen, my steadfast Lion, the most grand spiritual being I know, who chose to incarnate as a dog so we would make our connection that would line me up with the work we are to do in my lifetime, one who is no longer a dog but a Spiritual Master Teacher, who guides me through the future in each present moment, who always Lights my way, I reflect, I cry tears of gratitude and I remember…..

I remember that absolutely nothing and everything matters in the same moment for it is perfect, all absolutely perfect.

Wishing you magical remembrances, courageous choices and deep heart opening experiences through the holidays and all throughout 2016.

And by the way, Sam is fine now. I swear he perked up as soon as I recognized Dr. Shumway. We decided to have a Christmas morning do over on December 26. This is what Christmas (Eve repeat) night looked like at our house…


All my love,


If you want to study with me personally, be sure to check out my private session work available and my new course Thrive.

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